Two weeks ago, I officially moved out of my parents’ place in Woodlands and into my in-laws’ in Pasir Ris to make way for my now married brother and his wife — Alhamdulillah they were safely solemnised last Saturday!
I didn’t take leave from work to pack, so I had to do it gradually in the weeks leading up to the move. At the same time my brother was also moving in his stuff bit by bit, slowly transforming my room of 16 years into his. I had already started to feel a bit sad and sentimental then, but nothing could prepare me for the actual move. Seeing the movers take away my stuff from the house, I felt helpless. I didn’t want to move, but it was something that simply had to be done — a rite of passage, if you will.
All too soon, the movers were done packing my stuff into the vehicle and it was time to say goodbye (God, I’m getting teary-eyed recounting this!). I sat on the sofa, asked my mother to sit down beside me, and rested my head on her shoulder like I always do when we watch TV. I hadn’t even spoken a complete sentence when the floodgates burst. I took her hand in mine and in between sobs, thanked her for everything. I asked for forgiveness and asked her to make halal everything that I’ve ever taken from her and from the house. After hugging her long and hard, I sat down and did the same with my dad, followed by my sister and brother. I went to find my cats Meow and Ashley to stroke and hug them, and cried even harder upon seeing their cute faces. Oh, how I was going to miss each and every one of them!
My sister told me not to cry, that Singapore is small and that I can visit any time, and I know this to be true but the point was that I was no longer a member of the household — my 28-year membership was over. The point was that I would no longer see or be around my immediate family everyday, and that was probably the thing that made me the saddest. The point was that the move was overwhelmingly symbolic of the events to come in my life — a big looming monster of both challenge and opportunity, for which I had to close this door in order to open a new one. The point was it was all scary as much as it was exciting.
For the next few days I felt displaced and empty, like a huge chunk was missing from my life. I cried on the way back to my in-laws’. I cried myself to sleep. I cried the next morning. I cried again at night. It felt like my time with my family was a person who had died and I was mourning her death. It was literally one of the saddest days of my life.
Thankfully my in-laws and husband have been nothing short of accommodating, and have been so kind, making sure I’m settled in well. Also, I had my brother’s wedding to take my mind off things, so fortunately the sadness didn’t last all that long. I don’t have a room at my parents’ place anymore, but I’ll still try to sleep over whenever I can so that I don’t give myself a chance to miss them and fall into another bout of melancholy.
Anyway, on to happy stuff! Some pics of my brother’s wedding at An-Nahdhah mosque in Bishan:
Their entire wedding, from the Nikah to the reception was held at An-Nahdhah, and it was simple and fuss-free. The combined wedding of about 900 guests — which the mosque was able to accommodate comfortably — was split into two areas: the area outside the musollah on Level 1, and a room on Level 3. A venue to consider if you’re looking for a mosque wedding!
Zul and Huda, I wish you all the best as you embark on your journey as husband and wife. I’ve only been married for a year, so I don’t think I’m in a position to dish out marriage advice, but hey, we can learn together!
May your marriage and love last till Jannah, insyaAllah.
2014 is going to be a really exciting year for Faz and I!
Apart from forging closer knit relationships with each other and our families, we’re going to be planning for our first home, which is the next big project for us. We’re expecting to receive our keys somewhere in Q3 2014, but whether we’ll get them earlier is really anyone’s guess.
I know I should have already moved on to “house” mode, but I’m still stuck in “wedding” mode. I feel like I need to be done with all wedding-related matters like publishing all wedding- and honeymoon-related entries and getting our wedding photos printed before I can open a new chapter, y’know what I mean?
Some of the other things I’m looking forward to in 2014:
- Whipping myself (and Faz) back into good shape! The rate at which we’ve ballooned these two months post-wedding is ALARMING, and it’s got to STOP. Time to participate in some races!
- Spending our first Ramadhan and Eid as husband and wife.
- A wedding in the family.
- Parenting classes. I’ve no desire for kids at the moment, but I think we should be prepared for when it happens. And besides, it’ll give us something interesting to do instead of our usual movie and dinner dates.
- Travelling. I don’t know how much travelling we can do with the house coming along but I’m hoping for at least ONE destination — not too much to ask, is it?
- I really let myself loose these two months, but it’s now time to save like there’s no tomorrow.
- Starting a daily gratitude blog to record the things I feel happy or grateful for as they come so that I can look back in life and remember only the good things. Case in point: I can only remember two things in 2013 — our wedding and the stress of wedding planning.
- Work on my spirituality.
May this year be even better than the last for you, me and everybody! <3
Faz and I have been married for two months now, can you believe it? It feels like our wedding was just like, last weekend or something. At the rate time is passing us by, we’ll be old and wrinkly in the blink of an eye!
Back when I was still a singleton, something annoying I’d admittedly ask my newly-wed friends despite knowing they probably get asked this a million times is: “How does it feel to be married?”
Now that I’m married, I finally get to answer my own question and I’m going to start off by saying IT FEELS GREAT!
I hope it’s not just the honeymoon period talking, but there’s just so much love!
And the love is just different. The moment our nikah was pronounced sah, I could already feel that it was different. It felt so much bigger and pure, now that we were bound Islamically. And that love gives you a kind of joy you’ve never experienced.
We’re still getting used to the new status, or rather, to being labelled “husband and wife”, though. Just the other day when we were buying food, a friendly makcik next to us in the queue asked if we were “suami isteri” and guess what….for a moment we were dumbfounded! It was only after two seconds that I managed to grasp her question and tell her, albeit shyly, that we were indeed “suami isteri”!
I’m quite amused though — prior to marriage, no one ever thought we were a married couple. Was the makcik just being random? Did she have some sort of sixth sense? Or was she just observant enough to notice the fading henna on my fingernails? (Beli makan pun sempat tengok kuku orang, eh makcik…..)
Our living arrangement has worked perfectly so far — it’s allowed us to explore and understand each other’s deeper idiosyncrasies and family culture, as well as transition into our new roles as husband and wife at our own comfortable pace. Nothing feels forced, and I think perhaps that’s one of the main reasons why we’re enjoying it so much.
At first it was pretty troublesome, having to lug big bags of clothes and toiletries to each others’ places, but we now have the necessities and extra clothing in place to survive a spontaneous sleepover (there is no schedule because Faz works shifts and has a new roster every two weeks). Once I went to work in new clothes from head to toe — which I of course didn’t mind the slightest bit — just because of this spontaneous decision!
I know it sounds cliché, but one of the things I really enjoy since entering marriage is waking up to find him next to me. Anyone who knows me knows I’m really not the mushy type — and in fact as someone who values her personal space, at first I was even worried that I’d find it stifling to share my bed with another person! But I’ve come to discover that it is the most comforting feeling to be unconscious the entire night and then in the morning opening your eyes to find that the person you love is still there, right by your side. And it gives you sort of a zest to start off your day — something I definitely didn’t get waking up alone.
I also love that we’re delving deeper into each other, discovering things we wouldn’t have otherwise known about each other if we hadn’t gotten married. I look forward even to the less desirable discoveries (like bad habits, which I shamefully have more of as it turns out, by the way) because all these discoveries, whether positive or negative, will help us manage each others’ expectations prior to moving in together.
Speaking of bad habits, the pressure of having “someone new” in the house has managed to eliminate some of them — permanently, I hope! Although I say nothing feels forced, there’s still a natural pressure that will make you think twice before committing the crime. It’s the same pressure you get when inviting someone over for the first time — you want to make a good impression and give them an experience.
Usually the governing thought for me would be “Do you want him to regret marrying you?” and then if I feel it’s not worth him leaving me, I’ll try not to do it. LOL. But really, I’m just trying to make a conscious effort to keep him happy.
And I think realising this may be making me a better daughter as well. How, you ask?
Well, my conscience starts questioning me why I haven’t made the same efforts to please my parents, whom I also love dearly. I’ve strived to become a better daughter many times in my life, but nothing has given me the quite the same perspective on this as my new experience as a wife has, and I hope it’s more effective as well! It’s probably still not apparent to them yet, but I do find myself trying to please them more (by doing little things like helping out more around the house or by simply keeping bad habits in check).
And I hope to keep this up because I realise I’ll have increasingly lesser opportunities to please them after I leave the nest.
Just how overdue is this post?
Been very, very occupied with work, mainly and correspondence with Fadzil of Rolling Frames for our wedding video, as well as Fadly for our photos — which I’m happy to say are all now in our hands! I couldn’t be happier with they way they turned out and the fact that I didn’t have to wait like a year or something, unlike some of the horror stories I hear about other vendors.
So hooray, I get to use some of the photos here in my post! And I’ll post the videos in my next entry!
Continuing from where I left off, now that the serious and most important part of the wedding was over (phew!), true to my Mak Andam’s words, the next day’s reception was all about having fun.
That afternoon, while I was getting dolled up, my siblings and friends who were helping run some last minute errands at Orchidville texted me pictures of the decor which shot me straight up to cloud nine:
I knew from first sight that this hall in Orchidville would be the venue. I saw its permanent installation of rustic branches and traditional lamps set within birdnest-like fixtures and I was sold. TWC softened the look by draping soft chiffon in dusty pink from the branches.
I was a little alarmed though when I saw the dais (it wasn’t this green hedge backdrop that we fell in love with and requested), but upon explanation I had to agree with the last minute switch to a subtle white glitter tulle. The green hedge we wanted would’ve simply looked too crude in its soft surroundings. Well, sometimes plans change due to unforeseen circumstances, and I totally understand that. In fact, I came to LOVE our new dais. It was simple because it needed to be, but definitely classy! Kudos again to TWC for knowing design and applying it instead of blindly following requests.
Remember I had mentioned that one of my biggest worries was the weather? Despite my constant conversation with Him throughout my journey to Orchidville, the skies darkened and drizzled. I had begun to feel upset because I felt my prayers were in vain but I kept up my conversation with Him and although He didn’t give me sunshine, He did make me feel better about it.
By the time I reached Orchidville, it was pouring but any feeling of dissatisfaction completely vanished when I saw just how many people were present to celebrate us despite the rain. It was truly a heartwarming moment. In fact, the weather actually lended somewhat of a cosy feel to our wedding — but that’s probably because everyone was huddled together. I can’t speak for my poor guests who had a hard time making their way to Orchidville in the rain, though….
This was the pastel blue peplum songket I so fell in love with! Very Scha Alyahya. I have to thank Fatimah Mohsin for letting me be the first bride to wear this. My nikah outfit was brand new as well! I was ready to plunge into depression because I didn’t connect with any of the other dresses, but man, these two brand new pieces were screaming my name when she took them out to show me.
It’s entirely true what they say about not having the time to eat at all, because guests just keep coming up to you to take photos! We got to taste a bit of the food, and CJS truly didn’t disappoint. I wish we had instructed our family to put aside a bit of everything for us to eat later at home, because everyone was RAVING about the food — how it was a nice change from the usual malay wedding fare, and more importantly how good it tasted! In fact, I did make a mental note to ask my sister to put aside food for us, but the days leading up to the wedding got so busy that it completely slipped my mind. Anyway more on CJS later in my vendor review post!
At about 6.30pm, we retreated back to the changing room to change into our eveningwear.
And at about 7pm, we waltzed back in to the hall to The Piano Guys’ epic Titanium piano and cello cover.
We were welcomed in by our close friends standing on either sides of the aisle — something that wasn’t initially in the programme. We found out later that Fadly was the one who thoughtfully orchestrated it. I did think to do something like this for our entrance but I didn’t want to ASK that we be welcomed, y’know what I mean? So to have another person plan it was great!
That’s also the made-to-measure dress that I had done with Fatimah Mohsin. I found a pic of a dress I loved and asked her to replicate it, with some tweaks. I love it so because 1) it wasn’t a white wedding gown and 2) it was glamorous without being over-the-top. I had the option to top-up a couple of hundreds to keep the dress but I quickly decided against it because, really, when else am I ever going to wear it? But then just two weeks after the wedding I see Farisha Ishak wearing it during her Sinaran Hati performance on Suria and it pained me a little, well, because I’d put my heart and soul into looking for the right dress, and paid for the bulk of it — only for it to be worn by other people, at no extra cost. My heart says the dress should be mine, but the brain knows I’ll never wear it again and tells me we have no space for it in our new home. It hurts a little, but I know it was the right decision.
Anyway, moving on before things get depressing here…
By evening the rain had let up, and it was really just a relaxed and cool evening for everyone. We came in, fed each other delicious macarons from our pretty macaron tower, gave our speeches (which I really regret not preparing, especially taking into consideration how petrifying taking centre stage is to me — my speech could’ve meant so much more if I had actually been prepared!), and took more photos.
After a while we just got tired of sitting, so we proceeded to our photobooth to get a couple of shots, and ventured out of the hall for a mini shoot, allowing Fadly to conjure his magic:
Orchidville had put up their orchids for sale outside the wedding hall — a win-win situation because they wanted sales and we didn’t want guests hogging tables. It was the perfect idea to get people out of their seats, and true enough once the rain stopped, they got up and checked out the orchids. I saw guests leaving with orchids in their hands, looking quite happy. And why would they not be? Orchidville’s orchids are CHEAP! Even Kak Najihah of TWC who deals with a lot of flowers said so!
As the day came to a close, I remember feeling two things: thankful and contented. After a decade together, I was just so thankful that Allah had allowed us to continue being together and loving each other but only better — this time as husband and wife. And I see now in retrospect that every time Allah met us with a roadblock, it was to lead us to even greater things. Classic examples would be our venue and outfit selection woes.
I also remember my heart swelling with content. The day had gone exceptionally well despite the weather, it was almost unreal.
Wedding reception DIY projects
Ahh, my DIY projects. They were my babies, and I’m so proud of them!
Canvas tote wedding favours
The totes arrived only a week and a half before the wedding, which was pretty last minute but that’s because I took such a long time deciding on and designing the artwork. They didn’t arrive all bundled up and tagged like this, so there was no time to waste! I enlisted the help of my entire family, cousins and friends — whoever was available — and we’d form a production line. I think it took about five days to complete everything, inclusive of prep time for the printing and cutting of the thank you cards and jute twine. We did everything ourselves!
But the end product was worth all the trouble. Many guests complimented our totes and you wouldn’t believe how ridiculously happy I get when I see them in use!
Kids’ flower candy favours
I can’t say they were exclusively kids’ favours because even the adults were asking for them too! The idea was to create a flower bed of these bangle candy flowers (yes, it’s marketed as ‘bangle candies’ — though I think only the wrist of a baby would be small enough to go through).
A super inexpensive idea if you don’t mind the trouble of putting it together. We had to cut and sand the edges of the ice cream sticks to make them more child-friendly, gluegun it to the back of the bangle candy and tie ribbons around the stick to act as leaves.
Super cute, how it turned out!
My brother did an awesome job with this. He’s quite the handyman — the go-to person in the house to assemble any Ikea furniture we buy. But it was just unfortunate though because whilst the signage looked big at home, once placed at the roadside, it was drowned out by the surroundings. The heavy rain must’ve also affected its visibility. Nevertheless, I hope it did at least help those who saw it get to Orchidville.
And that’s it! I loved my wedding so much that I just wasn’t able to do anything much after the honeymoon except go over the photos in our wedding instagram hashtag over and over…and over again.
This Groomasaurus is seriously panicking! Date is drawing nearer. Ya Allah grant me the strength to go through this passage smoothly. Amin
This haze is crazy isn’t it! The latest PSI reading as at 12 noon today was 401!
I was silently thanking God that our wedding is in October (I can only assume the haze would’ve cleared up by then — I can’t imagine having to live through this for another day, let alone four months), but just as soon as I felt relief, I felt really bad also for couples whose weddings are scheduled this weekend, and in the coming weeks.
I wonder if they’re going to postpone their weddings? Unless they’re holding them indoors, I imagine it can get quite bad. Will guests turn up?
Whatever it is, I really hope the haze clears soon so no one will have to postpone anything!
Just the other day, as we were going over venue issues, Faz shared with me two lines from the Quran in Surah Al-Insyirah:
For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.
Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.
– Quran 94:5-6
Allah has assured us relief with every difficulty not only once, but twice! So for anyone who’s going through rough times with the haze, wedding preparations, or just anything at all, let’s remember this.
What could be more comforting than assurance from our Creator?
I have something to confess.
I had already begun to lose some steam with regards to wedding preparation (GASP!) over the last couple of months, but a meeting with Faz yesterday to discuss outstanding tasks quickly put things into perspective.
Armed with my laptop and kahwin-kahwin file containing invoices and such, we sat for a solid two hours at Starbucks to update our task list. It was truly an awakening. We were identifying a new small and seemingly unimportant task every five minutes, and these sneaky bastards, they just kept coming! I get major palpitations looking at my To-do list now. And I’m pretty sure that’s not the end of it.
We also sorted out and made a list of the due dates and amounts for payments. It’s easy to drop deposits here and there to secure vendors because they’re usually just a tiny fraction of the total payment, but well, you’re going to have to pay the rest of it eventually and this really just made us sick to our stomachs. Can I not part with my money, pretty please?
Looking at the figures on that list is enough to deter us from buying stuff we don’t actually need, so Faz says to refer to the list every time a desire arises. Hell, maybe I’ll even set it as the lock screen on my phone.
It’s now down to 6 months to the wedding. Of this, there are only 53 days in the weekends in total — the actual time I’m really left with to prepare for the wedding, after excluding all my work days. I’m going to have to plan and spend my time very wisely if I want to get everything done….draw up a Gantt chart, maybe?
All this whilst I still have 8kgs to lose! I used to think it was going to be well, not exactly a piece of cake, but at least easy because I’d done it before, but it’s proving to be more difficult this time round. Desk-bound job, lack of healthy food options for lunch, the condition of my knee, and effects of being on the wrong side of my twenties, basically — all these factors are really coming into play and affecting the results.
Are you panicking yet? Because I sure as hell am!
I’d say the one thing that has attracted me the most about the boyfriend has definitely got to be his easygoing personality.
He made a really good first impression (I thought he was charming and it helped that he had such a smooth therapeutic radio DJ voice…to me, at least), but personality isn’t something you can tell about a person on the first date. Sometimes you’re not really yourself those first few dates because you want to make a good impression, but lucky for me, our first date was a door only to more wonderful discoveries.
I don’t consider myself easygoing — I’m quite irritable, in fact — and I guess because opposites attract, subconsciously I wasn’t looking for another me to be around, because honestly that would be quite painful. Well to be fair, I think I am actually VERY pleasant, but there is a fine print and it reads: “Just don’t piss me off”. I have anger management issues.
On the other hand, it takes A LOT to piss him off and even when he is, he’s non-confrontational and very diplomatic about things. I can actually feel the positive effects from being around him for almost nine years now. I can definitely say I am much mellower than before. I’ve learnt to bite my tongue to take a second to consider the potential reverberations of what I’m about to say and whether it’s really worth putting my voice out there.
I like how I feel relaxed around him because of his easygoing nature and open-mindedness. I’m easily stressed, so being with him is like an escape. And he’s quite the funnyman too. His sense of humour can be classified into three categories: Witty Humour, Kelakar Bodoh and Nasi Tambah. Most of the time his humour is funny but sometimes it just annoys the hell out of me. Like there was one period his Nasi Tambah humour was so excessive it wasn’t even funny anymore. I wasn’t amused, to put it mildly. But he takes feedback, so that’s fantastic as well!
Then I see how he treats his dad, and I know instantly how deep-rooted his sense of responsibility is. This security is also one of the more important factors because I need to know that he will never neglect his responsibilities toward the family we are going to build — and seeing how well he treats his own family, I am sold.
And he’s just plain sweet lah really, in the seemingly little gestures. Like how back in poly I was swamped with projects and had no time to eat when he turned up at the studio with food. Or how he was like an angel sent from above when he appeared in the distance with a bottle of ice-cold 100plus at the end of my 10k run (trust me, at that point I was literally parched like the desert). Or how he has to wait for me whenever we meet but doesn’t get mad (or at least tries not to). Or how he lets me have his ultra cute Nurses’ Day gift thumbdrive when he really liked it as well.
Before we even got together, he once said he would treat his girlfriend like a queen. Well, I had the honour of becoming that person — and yes, I can attest that even nine years later, I still feel like Queen!
Hope everyone’s been having a ball of a time. I, on the other hand, have seen better days. I developed a throbbing headache a day before Eid, and it went on for a couple of days! I suspect I may have taken the spring-cleaning a bit too far. I took a week’s leave from work the last week of Ramadhan to help prepare the house for Eid. I didn’t think it would actually take a whole week, but it did.
My parents are such hoarders! The amount of stuff they’ve amassed over the last 28 years is just….unbelievable. It’s a challenge to convince them to throw stuff away. Sure, these things cost them money but if they’re just sitting there and eating into living space, then I think it’s just better to pass them on, seriously.
But it’s a lesson learnt. When Faz and I get our own place, I’ll make it a point to buy only the things we need. And if I want to buy something new, something old has to go. It’s the only way I can think of to prevent stuff from accumulating.
On the topic of Eid, I really enjoy looking at my Facebook timeline during this period. I love how colourful it is! It’s endearing to see people making an effort to dress up in Malay garb (polka dots seem to be in trend this year) and unite with family and friends over good food.
I must be under some sort of spell because for the first time in my life, I did not buy a single piece of clothing or accessory for Eid this year. Hell, I didn’t even set foot in Geylang to get the customary dengdeng and Ramly burger! Instead of buying our raya goodies like we always do, I also convinced my mom that we could bake them. Seriously, this is a breakthrough for me because I’ve never been thrifty type. Boyfriend, if you’re reading this, you should be proud because this illustrates my level of commitment! My hope is that one day I’ll finally be able to fully internalise thrifty living, making it a principle of life. Very tough to do, though.
What I’m NOT proud of is….that Project Wedding Body has taken a backseat! Instead of taking advantage of Ramadhan to lose weight, I took the bloody backseat. I’m very, very, VERY disappointed in myself. It’s such a waste because I was doing so well before. I’m back at square one now, having to work hard to build up my stamina — again. Especially after all the sugary stuff I’ve been eating. PFFT.
To make things worse, I totally forgot that the 10km Safra Bay Run that I had signed up for is on 9 September! That’s in two bloody weeks. And the 6km Yellow Ribbon Prison Run is just the week after. I thought I had a couple more months to go! I’m so dead.
Looks like I’ll have to redeem myself during the Great Eastern Women’s 10k in November. NO EXCUSES.