25 days away from Bridezilla-dom.

As the ticker on the right of this blog indicates, it’s 25 days to Bridezilla-dom!

I haven’t done much preparation for the engagement, and I’m starting to panic. I’ve so far only bought a kaftan to wear on the day (which still needs to be altered), bought the dulang hantaran and also crafted the bantal hantaran (pics after the engagement!).

There’s still an awful lot to do — but I’ll list that later. Right now I want to talk about how much of a far cry my vision of the engagement is from what it’s turning out to be.

In fact, it was — prior to me having to put a stern stop to it — moving further and further away from the idea of an intimate engagement. Just a week ago I asked him for an update on the numbers and he quoted 20 people! Suddenly this aunt was coming and that aunt, and that aunt. And all this, while I had to politely turn away my aunts and cousins who wanted to come, seeking their kind understanding that it was going to be just a small affair.

I was mortified. Angry, even, that all our initial plans were going out the window. It appeared as though he wasn’t conveying the agreement to his family. Even if he did, he was doing little to make sure it stays to the plan as close as possible.

Thing is, his family will be holding a little kenduri doa selamat with his relatives before his party comes over to my place. Do you see how this can potentially turn into an open invitation? His relatives will already be there at his place on the day — they will want to come. How will you tell them no? If you insist they cannot come, what ideas would they get of my family?

I suggested maybe it would be a better idea to hold the kenduri after the engagement instead. But he’d already told his relatives of the time of the kenduri, and made plans with the caterer that it’d be a hassle to change anything.

He assures me his family will take care of it. But I can’t take his word for it. People will come if they want to come. That said, I’m catering extra just in case.

Let me make myself clear: it is NOT about the cost. It is about our initial agreement, which, if I were to be honest, was based on the fact that I am a private person, who is NOT comfortable with receiving lots of attention unnecessarily (no one said an engagement ceremony was necessary). I agreed to the ceremony on the condition that it would be an intimate one. I accommodated his wishes. I made a compromise. But it’s just sad that no one cares about what I, the supposed star of the event, wants!

My mother says when two people decide to get married, it’s no longer about just these two people. You’re marrying into each other’s family, so it is in my interest to please his family and relatives. And I’m fully aware of that, but this is just the engagement, which I would prefer to be just between us. I have a lifetime to get to know his relatives after we’re married. I don’t see the rush, quite honestly.

Since we’re planning for a combined wedding, I foresee that this problem of not conveying messages and sticking to agreed plans is here to stay. I can only hope that we (and by this, I actually mean “he”) learn(s) from this experience, but there’s no telling if it’ll happen again.

Now that that’s off my chest, let’s switch back to light-hearted mode (not that I’ll be exactly light-hearted after listing the things I have yet to do). Here’s my to-do list, in order of priority:

  • Engage a caterer (thinking of ordering for 40 pax) and decide on menu
  • Get the material for the lining of my kaftan, and tailor it
  • Alter my kaftan
  • Finish off my dulang decor by getting flowers, and tassels for the bantal hantaran (I’m doing the decor for the dulang that he’ll be presenting me, just to have a sense of some physical contribution)

I have to seriously get down on it, no more procrastinating!

LESSON #03:
Check on the status of things regularly, to make sure both parties are still on the same page. Keep to the plan or discuss with each other in advance, prior to changing it.



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